If not, then let’s try and visualise a different way the scene could have been played out?.
Visualise the same scenario with yourself reacting calmly in this situation or with this person.
a. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you saying?
b. How do think you would feel at the end of that visualised scenario?
c. How different would you need to be in order to act in this way?
Sometimes we believe that our anger is out of control. It is not. It is our behaviour that we are allowing to be out of our control. If we choose to behave negatively in response to our anger the outcome will always be negative.
Remember there are always consequences as a result of unmanaged anger. Relationships breakdown, we get into trouble legally, we get into fights, relationships become based on fear, and we can harm ourselves. All of these and many more negative outcomes are the consequences we have to face. Ask yourself is it worth it. You have more to lose and nothing to gain by not controlling your negative behaviour.
Anger causes stress and one of the many symptoms of stress is muscular tension. We most often find that this tension affects our necks, shoulders, jaw and lower backs. The tension of muscles is a natural reaction created by the ‘fight or flight’ response. When we are not managing stress this reaction can be constant and as such we may not even be aware that it is there anymore. When muscles are tense the blood supply is reduced, and this coupled with faster, more shallow breathing means that our muscles are not getting enough oxygen which fatigues them. This can mean that we feel as if we have no energy and our muscles in this condition are more prone to injury. This is why muscular relaxation techniques are so vital. Often people who have been tense for a long time find this difficult at first.
Be reassured that it does get easier with practise. Muscular relaxation, for full benefit, should be practised everyday for 10-20 minutes. This not only assists to manage the symptoms of stress we are currently experiencing but also enables us to be a calmer, more confident person increasing our abilities to manage everyday stresses and better able to cope with stressors in the futures.
Many people do not recognise when they are becoming tense. They may say they feel OK because they are unaware of the tension in their bodies. Tension has become such a habit that they believe that this is their normal state. It is therefore important to relearn what relaxed muscles feel like. To do this you need to deliberately tense then relax the muscles. By tensing and relaxing you will become aware of the difference between being tense and being relaxed. You can then relax when you want to. When you are relaxing the muscles correctly you will feel warm and heavy.
Find a warm, comfortable area to practice where you will not be disturbed. You can play gentle music softly in the background if you choose to or a relaxation tape. Adjust the lighting perhaps using lamps instead of ceiling lights. Lie down or sit in a comfortable chair.
Work muscles of the body starting with your feet and working upwards; tensing and relaxing as you concentrate on each of the muscular groups in your body. As you breath out relax the muscles allowing yourself the sensation of sinking deeper and deeper.